I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
