Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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