I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
