this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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