Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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