"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
