i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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