I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize