.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
