It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
