i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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