My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
