Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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