he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
