I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
