i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
