OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
