I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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