How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize