ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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