Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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