do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
