I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
