she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
