I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
