Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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