Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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