She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
