Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
