Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
