I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize