Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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