tell your sister to shave her snatch
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
