Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
