I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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