Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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