Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize