I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
