The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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