My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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