ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
