He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
