brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
