He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
