I could have mohawked her pubes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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