woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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