Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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