I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
