Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
