There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
