am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize