I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
