Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
