im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
