her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize