He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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