I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
