you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will pee on everything he values.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh god it's open bar.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
