He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
