I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
