Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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