so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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