Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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