talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
