I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
