Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
