i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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