I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
