I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
