Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
