It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize