Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
