i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Randomize
