Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize