my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
