I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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